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All the news that is fit to wrap Fish! Proudly misleading everyone since before you were born   

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Sex, Sex, Sex 

Gay Asian Kittens

I wanted to prove in my title that I am no mere latter day Charles Fort commenting on oddities in the news but that I had something that people found worthy of discussion and thus my choice of headline. This may seem like an odd headline to choose on the subject of yellow journalism and the deterioration of liberty but I assume that it got you to this page and into the first paragraph at the very least.

I know that arguments against complete freedom of speech exist and that this headline is the equivalent of going to a crowded campfire and yelling "Theater!"

There have been some very disturbing bits in the news of late and one that barely seemed to be news to me. I am beginning with the unsurprising news item:

The New York Times is posting yet another financial loss. This is at least partially because they have not had the wisdom to include useful hints --as we have-- that our product like theirs is suitable for fish wrapping and that owing to its physical properties the reality of this is far greater in their case.  The Times and many other media outlets are suffering not from "left wing" media slant but from the same malaise that opponents of President Obama suffer. The president has been positioned to seem as if he is a breath of fresh air. I believe the people overall are bright enough to recognize the need for fresh air!

Far from the noble newspaper reporter portrayed in the 30s and 40s, reporters go with stories pre-written and decided before they examine the 'facts.' In certain cases no surprise comes as the readers of various 'bat-boy' sighting articles are 'enquiring minds' after all. However for those who buy 'reputable' papers, this slipshod treatment of truth wears thin after years and one no longer trusts or reveres the reporter or the product. A quiet survey finds that the majority of people who have been written up in papers interviewed by this observer have noted that even their names were often misspelled.

The news form is falling to the wayside much as troubadours traveling from tavern to tavern singing the news has gone out of style.  Perhaps with a bit of ethics and actually doing their jobs the paper might not find itself in such a position but with auk-like persistence on their path they do seem to be doing a fair job of following the auk into extinction.

Now in a rare apology  I will point out that I headlined the article for a reason. My reason was not to draw attention to the video "Gay Asian Kittens", which I found amusing and well produced. Nor was it to deliberately get you all hot and bothered by saying sex three times rather like invoking Michael Keaton in the 'Beetlejuice' movie.  I discovered on the advice of my co-editor that the most frequently searched term of a few weeks ago was 'Asian bitches' or some such phrase. Including it must seem almost as disingenuous as writing a crop report about cross pollination in corn destined for the ethanol market entitled "Promiscuous Grain Threatens High Gas Prices". I decided to chance the fate reserved for the Times in order to make the point. If I overdo this I will surely follow the Times into oblivion.

For the moment I will close this with the warning" "THEATER! THEATER!!"

High tech cops, Low tech robbers

The news today reports the police are making profiles on Facebook and posting wanted posters. The news report I heard didn't specify whether the arrested were friending the cops or just turning themselves in.

Today in my area two sets of burglars were arrested, one pushing a safe in a shopping cart and another hapless pair taking their booty, a large screen television, home through the snow in a wheelbarrow.

If criminals don't start working out higher tech and less obvious methods of ill-gotten-gain transport, they are in serious danger of extinction.

Without these dodo desperados our economy will be at a degree of risk. Manufacturers will be forced to reduce production thus further depressing an already desperate job market. And why? Because of insufficient on the job training for thugs.

If these children are not taken in hand and taught simple "BASICs" of theft, like "When escaping from a crime scene: BE UNOBTRUSIVE!", the whole activity of scofflaw society is at risk and the citizenry of the area will be denied the opportunity to re-acquire their possessions thus depressing manufacturing and sales outlets.


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